Change is frightening

Written 18-Oct-04

Change is always constant. We are always in motion. It is the law of inertia. As I "change" my 'plan'- that is, leaving the Bay area, I reflect on all the changes that I have crossed/seen/experienced over the past 4 years living in the Bay area. At the tender age of 21, I embarked on a new journey to adulthood. The past 4 years has help shaped me who I am today-- An 'independent' woman, striving the best for myself.

Fear, anxiety, and nervousness sets w/n me not knowing the mysteries of the unknown months...ahead. Removing myself from the comfortable seat of job monotonomy. Removing myself from the stationary enjoyment as I receive my paycheck. Removing myself from the peace of solitude to live back home.

Going back to school is a sure shot challenge-- As I plan to take a full load of classes. Surely it will not be an easy chore but who said life would be easy? Life is chalk full of ups-and-downs, turns-n-curves, and questions unanswered. I sure hope God will guide me each step of the way as He always has-- for I always need a huge amount of Faith, Hope, & Love...and Preserverance to help me jump each obstacle.

HOW? -How will I react living back w/ my parents and how will they react toward me?
-How will I react with constant readings and upcoming examinations?
-How will having less money impact me?
-How can I strive for a BALANCE of life?-How can I continue being a "good" person?
- will I have time for volunteering?
-How can exercise save me?
-How can I continue bettering myself as an adult?
-How will God guide me to leave my own maze of confusment and find my personal exit to success?
-How can I take healthier risks/chances each day? Each year?
-How can I turn my everyday tragedies into triumphs?
-How can I improve mentally, emotionally, spirtually?
-How can I simplify my life? What goods can I sell? What goods can I throw away? What do I really need?
-How can I appreciate life EACH day?-How can I thank people each day?
-How can I bring more love into life?-How can I be the ONLY me?
-How can I become less insecure?
-How can I become more patient?
-How can I become confident & assertive in all my goals in life?
-How can I become more wise?
-How can I take small things and not let it become bigger things/situations?
-How can I wholeheartedly accept people and their actions without judging them?
-How can I balance family, relationships, school, job, and still have time for myself?
-How can I save money without working?
-How can I still enjoy the things I enjoy without spending money?
-How can I live for today?
-How can I make the MOST of today?
-How can I remember that 10 percent is without our control and 90 percent is our attitude towards the situation?
-How can I not allow people to radicate me emotionally?
-How can I turn a negative situation into a positive?
-How can I allow the people in my life to better me?
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Written 2 November 2004
One word: FEARI'm afraid of leaving the comforts of the present. Leaving work. Leaving benefits. Leaving the money. Leaving the Bay area. Leaving into unknown territory. Afraid of being in close proximity with my family. Afraid of the unknown answers to questions such as, 'Will I be able to handle all of it? Emotionally?, while still maturing each day as an adult. How do I become confident?- of myself, with all my self-esteem issues while continuing to locate my career? I cry sometimes because the truth of the matter is, I AM AFRAID. I AM SCARED.I want change. I need change. Just unsure how I will react to it...emotionally.

Currently Listening : Per Second, Per Second, Per Second... Every Second By Wheat Release date: By 04 November, 2003